"Take Sides"

In my poison heart, love is poison 

And this time, once more, it is the same,

For she said what I was afraid she would say,

And I swore I'd stab every man
Who looked at her so she'd feel this way,
As empty as I feel every day

Jesus, I believe You care for Your children,

And I believe you will never leave or forsake us,

Because this world is Yours,

And we are Your creation,

Made in Your own image

What is it in us that resembles You?

There is reason to doubt,

And reason to believe

We're taking sides while hoping 

We aren't deceived 

And I've known better times

Without You, Lord

But now I have nothing but prayers

I am grateful for the things I've been given

But what I most desired denied me

And I wonder now if You did create Eve

For Adam or for me, 
Here in my most need 

The person I fell in love with

Doesn't seem to love me back

I need You now, more than ever,

Because I feel like I'm fake,

Like I'm walking in a movie

Maybe the pills the doctor prescribed

Will help me to see the world as it is

But with this regret, my joys are thin

It drives me mad when I think about it, 

The amount of medicine and acts of sin,

It's funny how, with benefits in mind,

I never spoke a word

That wasn't terribly timed

How again does this happen?

I don't even know where to begin

So I'll just begin by ending

Here it is:

The above doesn't make sense,

I forgot what I wanted to say,

It's the reason I said I love you

When I should have demanded of her that day

To know if she ever once loved me 
Or ever once wanted to die in my arms
For all I wanted was for her to want

The things I wanted,

The things I am denied

So in the mud, on the ground, I remain

Oddly broken with prayers for rain,

Poisoned and lustful,

Hateful and ashamed,

Here in the mud God Himself made

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything

Make up your own damn mind,

And choose your side

I hope you can share it
With someone you love,

And I hope she is denied 

"The Death Of Fascination"

12/30/2011

To think of her again

Day after day

I was left with things

I was ought to forsake

Like a murmur to the ears

Of she whom I loved

But forgetting is not easy

For people like us

For something near perfect 

Is not meant to last

More than a moment

Untouched in the past

I don't know why I didn't tell you

Back when it was real

When I thought that silence

Would breathe air to heal

What I regret to be true

About the past year

How I was only ever 

Slowly losing you

And I am an addict 

To many things, small joys

I indulge for pleasure

Among other sins

They have their definitions

And I have none

For you, my angel turned demon

Now I haven't one

Who I am when alone,

Was someone you could only know,

With me if a light shone,

But you can't understand,

And only I can truly guess,

Who you will remember,

As I change with all the rest,

As January eats December

The match strikes the match box,

You used to be the flame,

The kiss of asphyxiation,

My loss is your gain 

You were life to me, 

What now has turned to death, 

Without morning or feeling,

Angels above sneering, 

For the heart must first be tamed

Move on and forget

What it is that must be forgotten

To me you've been cruel

I lie to myself often

But this time, you are the fool

And it's all in the imagination, 

In the end, can't you see?

You are the creator 

Of your own destiny

Now be the death 

Of my fascination

And I will be the ghost 

Of your damned indecision

Wraith

If I be a wraith,

If I be a shadow,

That's took upon your trail,

Please do not deny me, 

Or shut out my crying voice,

God hears me when I pray,

And guides my mind and choice,

He helps however He may

Though black be the day,

I recognize my chains

And know they aren't eternal,

If you will, remove the stain,

For a life not lived in vain

"Faith In Things That Break"

12/24/2011

When I walked the narrow path,

I took a wrong step,

Somewhere along the way unknown

I tripped and I fell.

When I saw the ground I walked,

So close for what it was,

 I didn't want to rise again,

For fear of waking up

And the fear of forgetting things

I loved while dreaming there
With your every readers' eye
What I learned I will now share

Know your chains and know they can 
Be destroyed, all in time

If she is a shackle, then
Love has been unkind

Learn to untrust what you had

If it was faith in things that break

Place your trust in better things

Things you won't forsake

"Reunion"

12/18/2011

Here is my prayer this shining night, 

To die unafraid, my God, my light,

To live a life more joyful than when,

I was poison to each one of them

I believe that there is a way into God,

Even for Cain, the king of Nod

If I could you know I'd begin again,

If I could only lay by Your side,

And never despair, and never deny

I never want to lose sight again,

I don't ever want to forget my joys,

Though pain has a way of finding those 

Who seek safety with every stride

Somewhere in the unconscious mind,

Where lust for conflict is the reason I lied,

The sins repeating on normal days
But now hear the truth in my own ways

If I deny God three times this night,

How many times will He forgive?

I am an imperfect being in a fallen world,

A stranger to places I once called home

And yes, it is all a mistaken mess,

And yes, everyone here is a lunatic, 

Trying with everything to understand 

So as to find peace with God's master plan

But in the end, so bitter, so sweet,

We will all know what His hands truly held

Whatever it is, in the dark or light

Here is the secret I learned this night

Dear, we can put it all aside

Together we can call it what it is and laugh

Because together we are immune to its death

The stains that penetrate so dull it kills

And the enemy near enough to touch our lips

And everyone's crazy, remember, Dear?

Nothing at all matters where you are here

Hold me tight and never let me go

We cry in each other's arms,

And swallow tears,

When we meet,

When we kiss,

Our faith will pass,

Our memory will pass,

But as long as you stay near to me,

And as long as I am near to you,

I don't mind loosing my mind,

I don't mind dying as long as you're near,

To my flesh and to my soul,

Within the light that we'll never know

"Slight Of Hand"

12/11/2011

Sometimes you know where choices will take you

How the smallest detail can change the entire idea

Never stop trying to understand

Never stop trying to know God's plan

Sometimes when I think He is behind me

My hands move to do His will
I try to give credit where credit is due
What then will I have if it all belonged to you?

I reach for glory, but I don't ask for help

Because if I did, it wouldn't be mine

It would belong to someone else

Selfish though my words have become,

I never said I was the reverse

And I planned on writing a different poem

It is no coincidence that I wrote this first

For slight of hand will cost me many

Thousands of tears, tears I'd pawn

Were they not yours before I had words?

Were they not yours before I learned to curse?

For you, my one heart wicked once broken

I'm alive and that's proof that things can change

I hope you'll remember me as someone who wouldn't 

Allow others to drink their poison for them

But I ask you now, 

In what feels like our last moments

Was I the poison or was I the cure?

Was I wicked or was I pure?

Your heart may be where I long to belong

But my heart is different, not much like a home

And I believe that she must be safer

Wherever, without me, she is or isn't

What a mess, what a mess, I tell you

I want to clean up, and sleep unafraid

Won't you help me, and share my glory

Won't you help me, and share my shit

Though I hide in secrets, lull me to bed

And take the blood that for you I have bled

Keep me safe, asleep on the ground

Help me or never again make a sound

"Poems"

12/9/2011

 It is something like writing verse

You start somewhere and end somewhere else

All the choices that exist in between

It's easy to forget them

When you see the fished product

In its perfect form

But even perfect things will grow old

And you'll have to move to something new

My love for her is not a blank page

Though ardent, empty my words remain

I wait for her to feel what I feel

I wait for her to speak my name

It really should be sent to Hell,

With all the secrets, hopes and pain,

For I know the last bite is death,

With poison that will ever remain

Unforgiven, you know I am bitter

And perfect things will grow old

My angels leave me when I cry

But I know, my friend, how you believed that suffering

Prolongs the rotting, old and dry

But for her to wail upon a self-made grave,

With a heart that beats slower with age,

I finished my dark verses this night,

If only to remind me that they aren't all

Love is like writing poetry and I

Will always resemble thee, flaw for flaw.

Deceived

12/4/2011

Today forlorn, I was deceived

The fragile form taught to believe

Illusions cast by unknown hands 

Whose will is feigned, then to expand

  

Through each is shown a different form

When time is lost, and love is torn

I traverse streets with open eyes

As one I live, as many I die 

To fall again, or rise as this

Another shot that I have missed 

As many as it takes to be received

Until that time, I guess deceived