Card Game

10/25/2011

My eyes are dry

Dryly I cry

For the consequences 

I have bore

I'm a broken thumb

On someone else's hand

A hand of cards

With such a low score

How many, I ask,

Of them did I choose

And how many were given to me?

Though their backs are pretty

With designs most enticing

Their faces are ugly to see

So deal me a new hand

Oh God if you can

Kiss my closing eyes

I need some help

Forgetting and forgiving

For my past I deeply despise

Failures

10/23/2011

I'm stronger than this.

How does one live

When failures amount to all that is?

I've lost my edge,

My greater purpose,

The one that I tried to create,

It was the quest to find myself,

It has left me bereft

Of both passion and purpose

I know I took a wrong step,

Somewhere along the path

How else can I explain 

All that is and all that's left?

I memorize the highways and signs

That always take me to the same place in the end,
A house,
A place to be welcome and safe

Without answers and reasons

And God smiles down on our roof

There is still honor for casualties of war

But I'm not that person,
I know I must survive,

Because there's still something
I've yet to do.

I gave a home to a guest 

That did not need another place to stay,

When complication turned to error,

I could not save the night or day

Sometimes I listen, 
Sometimes I talk,

But I should have stayed in church,

I should have seen things for what they're worth

I should have found a home in different hearts,

I should have turned from wickedness,

When I was clean,

I feel so cold these days, and lost

Like I will never be able to be me
Nor who others would expect me to become
Small steps starting with discipline
And the ceiling concealing the above

.

But I vow, if given the opportunity,

I will learn to love,
And I will learn to see clearly

All the beauties and truths of this life.
It's a gift not given in vain
We all have something to offer
I won't give up so easily next time.

A Prayer

10/20/2011

_

My son, you are already forgiven

Paths

10/17/2011

Beautiful child,

You lied well,

 I was someone who'd listen,

 I won't listen anymore 

A thousand times over,

And a thousand time again,
The silence and the shadows,

Another forgotten friend

Time passes

You will remember me, 

I am poison to most, 

And was poison to thee

 My solution,
Never again get involved,

Forget I ever existed,
For the same thing
That makes you beautiful
Has made me ugly
Learn to love ugliness 

Dust to glory,
Roses to thorns

My anger melts in tears,
Symptoms of obsession,
I know not how it enters,
But I know it never leaves


We were one and the same,
Both of us dead in a single grave.
etc.

Look For Falling Branches, I'm not dying Today

10/12/2011

I spoke like a damned man
Like I was under someone's thumb
As the lightning hit the powerbox
And the rain fell sideways 
From a sky turned green with envy

I said "Look for falling branches,

I'm not dying today".

Yes, I was afraid,

Because I hadn't made peace with the fact

That we are simply out of control.

And if it is knowledge that I lack,

It is for truth that I have sought

Faithfully.

Sorry

10/12/2011

I was a thirst in you,

And your were a thirst in me

I am a poet,

If you don't like it, bunny,

You can suck it,

I morned you last night,

And I'll morn you again,

But I will forgive you,

And all the wrongs of this world,

For who can disagree?

This is a fucked up place

But I will forgive,

Because it's the least of my worries

You distracted me from my fate,

The one I should never have forgotten,

I am the son of my father,

He gave me life

And I carry the weight of my sins

Day after day, doomed to die

And when I look into the midnight sky,

A thousand stars above me shine

The face that is ever smiling down,

Reminding us of infinity,

It's a torturous thing,

As I am staring back,

It reminds me of my own mortality

I am doomed to die

Like a tree that gives its seeds in Fall

It will never grow back the same

So who are we anyways?

Who am I suppose to be?

The idea was put into my head 

Long ago, when I was younger

And now it is my own idea,

Fragments of a truth lost in blunder

If you were afraid of ghosts

Then I must be afraid of people

Because they take that which is most fragile,

That which is most vulnerable inside my heart,

And make it their own,

It gives me reason to doubt that I had much to do with it.

If I'm an idea, in someone else's head,

I can't really be there,

And I can't be really dead,

Because on the internet we are all immortal,

You will even find me, a poet

Or am I a slave to my own musings?

Call it what you like,

I'd prefer to be free

I'd prefer to never hear how you misinterpreted these

Fragments of truths

That don't belong to me.

Neo Affinity
10/10/2011

I see how my heart mimics nature,

Cliché though it sounds

My words they have power

I serve You alone

Have mercy on me,

A sinner

This is my revenge to be taken

On my own worst enemy,

The one I created

You plant a seed in the earth,

And it grows

That's the way of nature,

And the leaves that fall dead from the trees

Slowly drift to the ground

They will grow again,

It's just a change of temperature,

A change in the breeze

That's the way of nature

Our souls, God receive

The animals go there way,

On the earth that we share

They fear me,

And they ought to be afraid,

For my ways are not their ways

The affinity of innocence

Lends itself to only the very young

We can be made new again,

We can be made young,

But with age I will become wise,

And with time I will become strong,

Though I may never understand

The mysteries that plague my mind

The leaves fall one by one

And Your ways are not our ways

Jesus Remember Me When You Come to Your Kingdom

10/8/2011

You are lost but not forgotten

There is always another path,

Always another place to belong,

Even if it's too soon to believe,

It's never too late 

To turn away from dead things

I learned young that compensation

Takes on many forms,

You can drive out darkness with darkness,

And fight pain with hate,

But an eye for an eye

Will leave you with no one to blame

Jesus remember me,

When you come to your kingdom

The affinity of hope

Is to live a life undivided

And shattered as I may fall

From time to time

I know that I have this,

And nothing can erase it,

Or make it null.

Echos

10/6/2011

My love,

This has turned me back,

A heart forlorn and black,

No tears for you fall, 

Inside you, there is no call

Where my eyes did fill with shame,

And your eyes only met the same,

My love, 

Who I deeply regret,

And deeply regret,

Deeply forgetting.